So I've crashed again....
I was so happy and feeling good and now I feel like jumping off a bridge.
I was seeing a guy for almost two months and this past weekend I haven't heard a word from him. I definitely feel like this has been the catalyst for my crash. I have no idea what went wrong.
So this has caused a whole bunch of pent up feelings to come to the surface. My dad always used to tell me I wasn't good enough and that no one would ever love me. I feel like he was right. I feel like I can never do enough or give enough of myself, especially after Justin. Even when things were good between Rich and myself his complaint was that I never truly gave myself to him. I was never cuddly enough or whatever. For Justin I was never skinny enough.
Just never enough.
The other issue that has come to the surface is that I'm not worthy. Every guy I've dated seems to get over me extremely quickly. Even my first boyfriend when I was 13, he broke up with me for the potential of other girls that he would meet in high school. Justin has found some young pretty girl for himself. Brian never gave a shit about me. Scott got over me in the flip of a coin. Rich always said he loved me immensely and he's already found a new love. And who knows why Alan just stopped talking to me.
I feel alone all the time. I barely have any friends, and of those friends I feel like none of them are there for me the way I try to be for them. I just don't want to spend my life alone.
Just heartbroken </3
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