Where to begin and where to end, what to say and what not to say.
I'm definitely doing better than when I wrote in my last post. I think my meds are finally doing me justice. Next Saturday will make it a four months since I've had a car. It still drains on me and makes me feel like a drain on my friends. The good news is that my best friend Rachel took me to the DMV last month and I got my license back, I haven't driven much but when I get to it's nice. I miss being able to get in my car and drive with the windows down and the music up being able to sing at the top of my lungs.
I still never found out what happened with the guy I was seeing. It's been 5 weeks since I've really heard from him. Randomly yesterday I received a text from him asking how I was doing and if I wasn't busy if I'd like to hang out. I didn't reply. He never replied to me when he disappeared off the face of the earth. I don't feel that it's okay to call me when he pleases and expect that I will come running. I'm not weak like that.
Part of what has made me strong is that I've been hanging out with Steve quite a bit. My tattoo artist that I've had a crush on since I met him. The first time we hung out he was having a bad day, he had to sell his truck to pay bills because of his ex screwing him over. He picked me up and took me to one of the local piers late at night. It was fun and nice and exciting. He showed me what lights were what piers. He held my hand as we walked back to the car. Then he brought me home and picked up some tattooing supplies I had for him and he played with Mayhem for a bit. I had an amazing time. So simple yet so serene.
The second time we hung out he took me to his house and we had fun, that's all I have to say about that night. But since then we have had plenty of sleepovers and he's taken me fishing and taken me to work with him. He buys me food when we're out and about.
I really enjoy being around him and I'd like to see where things go, but I'm terribly afraid to rush it for his sake and mine.
I've actually starting building a website for him, it's my first time doing anything like this but so far it's looking pretty good and I'm moving right along.
I went on vacation with my family. My mom paid for me to go to Florida with them. I had a fantastic time while I was there and got to experience so many things, it was incredible. I got to interact with many different animals. I got to feed some colorful birds that liked to sit on my hat, I got to feed kangaroos, hold an alligator, feed the dolphins, and play with the stingrays.
Since right before I left for Florida things were on edge between Rich and myself. Since he's been seeing Beth and I've been seeing Steve he's basically been an asshole to me. I feel like I never want to come home or be here if he's here. I had a feeling he wasn't going to renew the lease in August. He told me today that he was going to sign for an additional 3 months. He kind of hinted at wondering where I was going to go. I told him I planned on living out of my car and if that was the case I wouldn't be able to take Mayhem with me. I teared up for the first time since douche bag stopped talking to me. I've kind of accepted the fact that Mayhem isn't going to be my dog, that I'm going to be living out of my car again and that's ok, I think.
